Paramus, NJ 
jpcounselingcenter1@gmail.com
call: 908-341-1136 
HELP FOR THE CAREGIVERS OF MENTAL HEALTH PATIENTS.
Caregiving can be difficult because one is torn between the love that they have for the person they are caring for and the frustration that comes with it. It may be a parent caring for their autistic son or daughter, or caring for a person with a disability, elderly, or sick individual. However much one may be desiring for the trouble to end, the end is not usually pleasant. Indeed when Christ is not central in the help for the suffering one can be overwhelmed by the pressure of guilt, loneliness, or even despair. The National Association of Caregivers says that 1/3 of the population of the US are already caregivers. According to the American Association of Retired Persons, AARP half of those regularly feel down, depressed, and depressed.
Growing stress among caregivers is a hard reality. According to a study of 110,000 caregivers done in Ontario, it was found that 1/3 of the caregivers experienced anger, stress, or depression. This makes it difficult for the primary caregivers to continue in the role. Almost everyone has or is eventually going to care for someone else, either their parent or their child. They may also require caregiving from someone else.
I will be laying out biblical help in caregiving and also encourage a primary caregiver for a person with a mental health problem.
1. Biblical guidance to caregivers.
The invisibility of mental illness can at times make caregivers feel as if they do not care and as if they don’t help much. But we are to emulate Christ who tells two of his disciples after a mother’s request for them to be made great in His kingdom in Mathew 20:28 that the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve and give his life as a ransom.
Somewhere else Christ tells his disciples that ‘greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.’ What a joy then to give one’s life in service for another, our hope is not just in this life but for an eternal reward. Let the care giver therefore do all that they do as unto the; Lord, without grumbling or murmuring. One’s faith can greatly be tested amid the financial strain, emotional breakdowns, and exhaustion while seeking help.
It is also good to take some time and pray for guidance and wisdom on how one ought to speak to the person they are caring for.
2. Encouragement to the caregiver.
It’s good to realize that the caregivers also need help. The way of living is affected by the onset of a mental illness in a loved one which in turn affects their relationship. At times the patient may push the people caring for them away or they may say upsetting things to them. This strain may be felt by everyone around them.
Take time for yourself.
Dave Nassaney in one of his presentations at TEDx said that ‘one needs to be selfish to survive in caregiving’. This could mean taking a few minutes break each day for oneself as Frances Lewis would suggest.
Seek help for your loved one.
Most times we think we can figure out every problem our friends or family members are going through, we think we know them better than anyone else could. However, when it comes to mental illness it’s advisable to allow them to meet a mental health professional. As much as we are to listen and offer reassurance we may not be the best fit to assist them overcome their illness. We are to listen, stay calm, and be patient while dealing with our loved ones. If possible we can even join them for appointments.
By Michelle Mwikali.
Learn More
HEALING YOUR MARRIAGE.
Are you worried it’s too late to save your marriage? You left the world of logical thinking and entered the land of blaming, accusation, and emotional and physical chaos.
“Do you and your partner have difficulty talking about anything of importance without it turning into an argument? Does it seem impossible to find solutions to the things you argue about like sex, finances, in-laws, who does what around the house, the kids, and other subjects? Do you end up sweeping things under the carpet and pretending things are okay when they are not? Are there times when you actually are enjoying each other’s company and then one of you says something and all of a sudden it spirals out of control into an argument? Do you believe that your spouse doesn’t have a clue about how you feel about things or who you are as a person and for that matter doesn’t care? Are there times when you are lying in bed feeling sad and lonely and wondering why you even married this person? In the first place do you think that if it weren’t for the kids you would be out of this marriage? Has sex been a battleground in your relationship, one of you longing for more touch, and the other one is just confused about how it’s even possible that you were so compatible in the beginning and now you have a hard time finding anything that you have in common? Do you wonder? Have you simply fallen out of love although creating a long-lasting relationship may feel like a mystery to you? Do you feel like you are on the brink of divorce?” ~ Michelle W Davis
Are all these questions a description of your state right now? Here is a biblical help for you and your partner.
Should we seek help?
I think it’s good we consider a two-sided couple when it comes to seeking help. Most times a wife/husband may be desperately in need of help and suggest a marriage counsellor while their partner on the other hand feels that all they need is just seek their issues on their own. Although this may seem like a viable solution, most times it doesn’t bring out the solution they long for. The Bible refers to the married couple as one body, and therefore if one part of the body is sick and needs to be attended to, it’s wise to attend to it. One can’t claim to be perfectly okay when a part of their body is ailing for they may eventually end up losing the sick part. A spouse may be lost emotionally, physically, and in all aspects, and in most times it becomes hard to restore them to their original state.
My partner does not want to change.
“God does not hold you accountable for your husband’s sins but for the godliness of your response to those sins.” An attempt to change your partner can turn out to be manipulation which does not yield any good fruit eventually. According to Romans 12:18, we are to live peaceably with all so far as it depends on us. The Scriptures also encourage us to outdo each other in doing good. My biggest encouragement for a believer is to remain faithful and to seek help in times when we are hurt.
Biblical help for struggling couples
Christian marriage portrays the relationship between Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:32).
Christ gave himself for the church. Likewise, husbands are to give themselves for their wives and love them as their bodies (Ephesians 5:25-29). And as the church submits to Christ, wives must submit to their husbands and acknowledge him as head of the family (verses 22-24). There is no place for selfishness in a Christian marriage. The couple is told to mutually honor each other (1 Peter 3:2,7). Christian marriage reflects the relationship between Christ and the church. Married people should show and practice mutual love, fidelity, and an attitude of service on both sides.
Of course, we live in a fallen world and Christians often struggle in their marriages. But despite all the difficulties, both partners in a Christian marriage are called to portray Christ in their marriage. This means that they are willing to forgive each other.
Be obedient to God and his Word
It means they are willing to be obedient to God and His Word, which tells couples to be faithful to each other even when things get difficult. It means that the couple strives to honor God in their relationship. God will give us the grace to do that when we ask Him! (Hebrews 4:14-16)
In cases of abuse to you or the children, I encourage you to seek help, for you should feel safe and secure in your relationship.